It was a surprise

There been a lot of things converging on today.

• My depression has been flaring up. Not really sure why. I was losing weight (up until this week) to try to be more comfortable in my body, but as I lost weight, I was loosing will.
• There’s been a lot of Asher in the air lately. Tales from friends and family connected to you and your life, but also your death. Super Nurse had a few kids die on him in the last few weeks and he wanted to call and tell me all about it. Captain Fantastic’s wife talked about how one of her kids wanted to play a song that reminded her of you over and over again.
• We’ve reached our Final Issue of the Wilcox Christmas photos. We talked about it and… all our kids are grown now. So… what’s the point.
• I finally managed to sell the land. No more “Vision without Execution.”
• Zeke has been at his 2nd home more and more. Ephraim is without a co-pilot and has been trying to use us as people to bounce his world off of, but I can tell we’re not enough. We’re no replacement another nerd sitting behind him geeking out about his Warframe Shaders.

I was looking at Thanksgiving and with all this… I wasn’t feelin’ it. Do you remember when we moved to California and then everyone left? And I said, “SCREW IT! We’re goin’ to Hawaii!” for Thanksgiving? That was a disaster and also amazing. But, I was feeling like I needed to escape, but there’s nowhere to go. Where ever I could have run, there I would be waiting for me.

I made a decision. We’re going to do SOMETHING together as a family on Thanksgiving. I dunno what. But something.

And so it was, with an abundance of surprise I found myself laughing, full belly laughing, while playing a game of Cards Against Humanity with the four of us just after

I just wanted to let you know. I think we’re on the other side of it. We talk about you. We complain about you (“No negatives in your good thing.”). We miss you. I dream about you.

And I love you. And maybe… We’ll be okay.